Be(Wilder)ed

Who are you in the moments between consciousness and sleep?
The moments before you drift off to sleep?
The second your eyes open in the morning?

How do you handle your transitions from? Are you feral? Calm? Paranoid?

Or, like me, are these transitions differing?

Minutes before slipping into unconsciousness, I am deliberate and collected. I’m in control of my mind, body and purpose.

Waking in the morning, however, is the opposite. I am aggressive, and unable to control my actions. I punch the buttons on my phone and snooze of my alarm clock with the ferocity of a cornered animal; my body determined not to face the day while my mind may be screaming that I need to be on time, just this once.

I think these can be applied to my behavior in life’s transitions, also.

At times I am purposeful, confident and helpful. I do myself favors.
Others, I am unpredictable, and often sabotage my well-being or inner self in order to serve an immediate instinct. I hurt myself with impulsive actions.
Sometimes, I’m a combination of these reactions; it just depends on the day.

But transitions have a way of being purposeful, while unpredictable, too.

I think our biggest challenge is in sorting the bewilderment of transition, of change. As confusing as they may be, the word bewilderment tells us our next step:

Be-wilder-ed

Be wilder.

This implies having purpose in our chaos. Balance. Finding peace in not controlling everything, even ourselves, but also having a direction to go in.

And hopefully, in that process, we find our new truth.

~ M

Bewildered

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